I realized that the Holy Spirit is calling me to do things. I feel it. It has been calling me to be bold and speak in front of people. It has been calling me to not be afraid to be myself, to do silly things off-the-cuff.

But what keeps me from doing that, all the time? I think it's the fear of not having the perfect phrasing when I speak. I am so unusually particular and careful about my writing that when I try to do the same thing with speaking, I literally edit myself out of conversations and refrain from improvising. Basically, I refrain from being myself or expressing anything that isn't a watered-down, polemic, well-rehearsed version of who I am.

That's where my insecurity and fear lie, in that act of not speaking. And that feels SO good to see. It's a struggle, but man, now that I can see that, it is like realizing that you're wearing chains and realizing they aren't a part of you. They aren't you- they aren't tattooed, embedded into your flesh (some kind of are, but that's beside the point right now). What is tattooed onto your heart? Patience, kindness, joy, love, and other fruits.

I keep reading and relating to books about repentance and never doing the same things again. I'm reading Breaking Free, and that's what I want- to break free from my insecurities. I know the only time I'll be totally free is in Heaven someday, but freedom is possible here, too. I love the little tastes of it I have been feeling lately, and I'm currently chasing that freedom (and freeing love) that God promises to all of His sons and daughters.

Another little thing: I love all of the friendships I have been able to see blossom lately. I have had the time of my life lately. Thank you, friends, for lighting up my life and encouraging me.

Love love LOVE,
MacKenzie :)