reflection (week 1 thus far)

This week thus far has been a very beautiful and growing experience. I came to Charleston with a desperate thirst for answers, for truth, for guidance, and for community. And certainly (as always) God provided- He brought me to a wonderful group of students and staff who are so encouraging and supportive. They have seen and some have conquered monsters much like my own, and I feel safe and truly in a greenhouse of growth. I also packed my bags with insecurity, shame, and pain, but even after these past few days I am grateful to say I wear peace, confidence, and a freedom sweeter than the Southern tea here.

If you have any questions or want to hear more please ask and I will be happy to share. :) I have a lot of information from so many devotionals and great times spent with the Lord but I will give you the pictures now while my days/reflections are split up below.

-MacKenzie

My Dad suggested we take a selfie at the Biltmore Estate on Saturday before they dropped me off.

this week's schedule (notice how the next two days are my freest days).

The Battery, which is what I have really become familiar with these past few days in Charleston.

I didn't mean to take this picture (and have a lot of pictures of the sidewalk haha), but this was taken while I was spending some great time with the Lord on Wednesday.

"Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander…"

DAY FOUR! (Wednesday)

We began the morning with a very moving devotional (you will see its theme in my reflection with the Lord) and further discussion about our project's theme: grow-give-reflect-rest. Rest is also biblically really important to our spiritual endurance and God created us to work but also to rest and reflect on Him. So, after a discussion of resting and having a quiet time, we ate lunch with the pastor of the church I will be attending down here. I am actually fairly intimidated- it is a very traditional Christian church. I am sure I will find love in that community, though, and with my host family whoever that may be. Because I miss my own family, it will be nice to love on my temporary one (I hope they have kids to play with and maybe a dog!).

After lunch, we went to spend our own time with the Lord in downtown Charleston. I went to the Battery again and spent my time under a tree and walking and looking out at the bay. I reflected on the Rend Collective lyrics "It's only in surrender / that I am truly free" and wrote this:

God is the ultimate artist. He creates and continually sculpts and grows with no boundaries. His media are clouds and dust and hearts, are vines and veins and the gentle Battery breeze.

God, your masterpieces surpass understanding. They are more complex than Renoirs or Pollocks or Picassos, more complex than Hitchcocks or Camerons, more complex than Tolstoys or Brontes. I am beyond blessed that you chose me, that you wove me uniquely and now send that gentle breeze to cool me. I am so blessed to be under a tree again, spending a time of supernatural peace with my Heavenly Father.

You have brought me here- so far away from home. You have a purpose and I trust you are going to reveal to me the truth that I am meant to carry home with me to my situations and relationships and monsters.

(During this time, I received a text from my Mom stating that I had received an extremely generous support donation. Tears of joy welled in my eyes as I looked to the sky and continued my time, singing and praising Him.)

God is the ultimate provider.

Ultimate lover.

Your spirit inside of me is my favorite part of myself. I am growing to appreciate the gifts you have graciously born me with. Your insight and presence during my times- all times- is evident and gives me peace. My guilt and anxieties melt away in your peace, while my capacity to love grows in shadow of your Spirit inside of me.

Amen, amen, amen.

After our time with the Lord, a bunch of us girls walked through the fancy shopping district on King St. and the historic market that was blocks long. I only bought myself some gelato which was quick to melt on such a hot and sweaty day. We then went to meet up as a project and split up into our ministry teams! I am on the outreach team (like I am at school), and was so excited to contribute to not only the planning of the events, but also to contribute to fostering an evangelistic atmosphere within the project. I can see the Lord doing great things with our group of six or so.

As a wonderful end to my busy but joyful day, I was able to go to Folly Beach for the first time last night. The tide was going out and with it came the surfacing of cracked shells and salty rocks in the sand. The stars shone and the light from the pier danced in the waves. There was peace there, but also delight as our group played volleyball in the dark and walked along the water's edge until curfew called us back to the hotel.

DAY THREE! (Tuesday)

Tuesday, we were able to sleep in for an hour (thank the LORD, because I needed rest). We then had a God tools training that was helpful in helping me remember how to use them and to boost my confidence in going out to share the Gospel. It is weird, but before we went out sharing honestly I had felt very scared and anxious concerning this trip. But getting out with the intent to share the Gospel, man, did I feel on fire! We went to the Battery (a park area along the water in downtown Charleston) as a bible study group with some others from our project scattered around. If you've never went out evangelizing, you should know it's like being a spy for God, trying to test out of the area you're in who has the time or will be the most receptive to what you are saying. We split off into pairs, one group approaching people and the other praying for them. At first, I was in the praying pair, praying for Anna and Abby as they approached two older girls laying out on the grass. Praying for them was a really beautiful and new experience with outreach for me- it allowed me to still contribute in a way to the spiritual conversations going on all around me in the park, asking God to bless them and their words and move in hearts. They had a forty minute conversation which was not overly fruitful, but still I feel was a beneficial conversation. It was then my group's turn to go out and share.

I will tell you, we could not find anyone to share with or to have a conversation with at the park. We had less than 30 minutes to find and share with someone before we had to go back to the hotel, so that was difficult in itself. My partner was also new with using these tools and evangelizing in a non-simulation setting, and she approached a woman in a mysterious kind of way that I think put her off. I petted her dog and talked with her about us both living in Ohio (she was friendly enough but just wary), and so we went on our way. I feel like I could have had a really great conversation with her, but I think one of my personal obstacles was that I had a hard time sharing and taking steps in faith alongside a Christian that was still a stranger to me. I am wondering if maybe I would be better off in the future with sharing by myself (but in a supervised area too) because my politeness and passivity is triggered so easily with people I don't know. Hopefully that will get easier with upcoming weeks, or I will find a solution (I know God will).

After outreach, we had dinner and spent time with our bible study (I was lucky enough to witness a girl from Wisconsin experience her first Chik-Fil-A haha). We had an time of extremely honest and genuine testimonies being shared- their words and what God had taught them of their experiences very much bared veins to my own, which was all inspiring and encouraging. I did not get a chance to share my testimony, but I shall do so when we meet up next Tuesday. :) And finally we ended our night with pads on our foreheads haha, doing a mixer event at a women's night that focused on discussing friendships between women. It was very insightful but painful too as memories came up and hurt still lingered in my soul. The hurt of relationships of all strains and sizes still do effect me, but knowing that God is healing me beyond the immediate surface and in the darkest depths of my heart. Knowing that gives me so much hope for all of my relationships, because they all could be replenished with more of God's love in me. I ended the night with new friends and Catchphrase.

DAY TWO! (Monday)

We hit the ground running at like 7:30am or so. I think I might be able to survive 9 weeks of these early days off of Froot Loops and pleasant smiles at breakfast. We had a morning devotional and a talk on the holiness of work. We discussed this as most of us prepare for a McDonald's job that work is the design of God and that God does cary about making burgers as providing needs for people. Their discussion actually really motivated me to feel like I am supposed to be working at a McDonald's this summer. I really, really did not want to originally and was seeking out cute little French bakeries and cushy gelato shops and what not, but I am now really looking forward to glorifying God in a personally humbling place. As a personal mission statement to how I plan to worship God in my job, I hope to have integrity and to be unafraid of not being good at it or not having it all. I have to remember to compliment others and delight in seeing God's image in everyone (co-workers, bosses, and not just my project co-workers), and I must persevere and pray through all issues, taking an attitude of a learner and a listener.

We also spent the time learning more about ourselves through use of the Myers-Briggs scores and several other tests. My spiritual temperament is contemplative and nature-related, which very much suit me. I took a spiritual test concerning my spiritual gifts, and found I scored highest on discernment and exhortation. I personally laughed at the discernment idea (tests the message and action of others for the protection and well-being of the body), mostly because I feel as though I am horrible at that in myself and in discerning God's will. But I love exhortation! I scored lowest in faith and evangelism, but those will definitely grow over this summer. And I scored as an INFJ, which spelt me out pretty well. INFJs make up a really small portion of the population, and so my feeling outcast and/or unique is because it is how God has woven me. I am protective of myself, I am private and typically difficult to understand; I am genuinely warm, very sensitive to conflict, and have strong value systems; they have very high expectations of themselves. Overall, this is the last paragraph of the page we received "The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement."

We had lunch with our bible study. My group is really nice, and I feel really safe surrounded by these girls. Our leaders are wonderful Godly women, too, and I am really excited to spend the next four or so weeks with them under their wing. We talked about how to resolve conflict afterwards, and I am SO happy to have learned that. I am excited to take that new knowledge with me to work through anything at the Brook Street House this fall. And afterwards we had a wonderful homemade dinner of fried chicken and sweet tea (#thankGodforMrsYvette).

DAY ONE! (Sunday)
We sprang into the awkward politeness that comes with meeting strangers that are forced to share tight quarters, haha. It was beyond intimidating for me to show up and to only know one person- it felt like GSP all over again. But I am always so surprised with every Cru conference or meeting I go to with how humble, tender Christians are the kind of people that can quickly and easily and almost supernaturally form a body, a tight-woven community (I think that it is thanks to the Holy Spirit and our collective understanding of the Gospel). We had a picnic along with an orientation meeting where we discussed the schedule of project and different resources in our binder. I was pretty exhausted from early mornings and long car rides, so I turned in pretty early. My roommates were (and are) pretty cool, and my bedmate is sweet and does not snore. One of my roommates even reminds me of a once good friend of mine.

ready or not, here I come!

Driving through Kentucky hills as the early morning sun shines was the best goodbye to my home state. Currently I am in Campbell County Tennesee haha. my Mickey D's sweet tea is by my side, my earphones are blaring a perfect summer road trip playlist, and my sunglasses have already formed some nice crevices on my nose.

Please do not confuse my peace and excitement for my project for it being a nice and cozy 9-week beach vacation. Trust me, I am hoping for superficial things like that my bike does not get stolen and that the weather is eternally nice and that I do not get too homesick. But the wrestling with sin and my stubborn heart, the humbling full-time job I will have (probably at McDonald's), and the heartbreak that comes with the Gospel falling on deaf ears? Those are the very obstacles I am most excited to encounter (and overcome) with God's help.

*MacKenzie

ps from my playlist:

ready or not- air traffic controller

the truth is a cave- the oh hello's

flaws- bastille

god of the universe- lift (my church, highland hills baptist)

somebody like you- keith urban

what faith can do- kutless

house of gold- twenty one pilots

oceans- hillsong united

my body- young the giant

the struggle- tenth avenue north

cap diamant- coeur de pirate

finally free- rend collective

PEACE!

Hello there, friends. :) PHEW, has this week flown by! Writing this post at the moment is cutting into my precious and small sleep time though so I will attempt to keep it short.

This week has been a melange of packing and doing very chaotic last-minute things. If I had to think of a few Twitter-esque statements to describe it...

• Driving the interstate. SO MUCH TRAFFIC. #iwillsurvive (of course not posted while driving)
• Yes, Mom, I think 4 cans of sunscreen should be fine.
• These uniform pants are way too long! #shortpeopleprobs

I had to be talked out of bringing my Grandma's vintage camera, a lot of books, and my sock monkey, but I think beyond that I am ready for Charleston. I also may or may not have to do laundry while I am there, looking at how much I crammed into my totes.

As I have mentioned before, God also has been preparing my heart the last couple of weeks for Charleston and my time there. I feel like my heart is in a really good place for personal growth and peace, so hooray for His sovereignty! But I also am hoping not to lose sight of doing work for His glory, spreading news of His love to the people of Charleston I come into contact with during my time there. :)

On an interesting note, we were asked to take an online test that would tell us which personality type we are. I was personally quite surprised by my result- I scored as an INFJ, which is the most rare personality type. I have been reading up on INFJs and why I am the way I am is starting to make a lot more sense. I think that over the course of the project we will learn more about how we can use our own personal gifts to serve God.

BIG NEWS: I am leaving my old Kentucky home TOMORROW morning. At 7AM, haha (I haven't been up that early since high school!). My parents are wanting to make my journey a 2-day trek, stopping in North Carolina and going from there Sunday morning. And wow, as I sit here, the reality of my leaving for 9 weeks is starting to set in. Being away from my family and friends is going to be a big step. But I have no reason to fear- I am the child of a loving and awesome God who is going to protect me and do what He will with my summer and time in Charleston. :)

God bless & goodnight,
MacKenzie

celebrate!

Hi readers. :) I hope you all are having a wonderful weekend.

As a little reward for finishing support raising and a motivation for preparing more for Charleston this upcoming week, I took a small break from work and chores and cleaning. I was invited to a girls night in with my good friend Lauren's church youth group. I have not seen Lauren in months (too, too long), so I was really excited to have this opportunity to hang out with her. The focus of the weekend was celebrating our identity as daughters of Christ, but we also discussed beauty and modesty and other problem topics for young girls. I have a hilarious music video in my library now about the subject: Modesty is Hottesty. 

Makeup from Mary Kay! I felt super confident (and this is one of the few pictures I have ever published without a filter, haha).

Lauren & I in our "modest" clothing choices. We tried on some laughable immodest outfits, but I won't publish those.

God's still working, you guys! It is exciting and I still have more to do before I can leave but it will ROCK!

Love,

MacKenzie

racking up the miles, rolling down the days

Dear Readers/Believers,

Sorry for not updating in a couple of days- things have been very busy around here. I only have a little more than a week left until I leave for Charleston for two months! Phew- it is a lot to take in. I will miss you all, but you should always be able to see what I am up to on here.

I am close to raising my full support of the cost of the trip- whooo! Any other support that does come in beyond that will be set off for a food allowance over the 9 weeks I will be there (I do have to provide for most of my meals while I am down there, but I was allowed to raise up to $500 for this provision). I am so blessed by all of those who have chosen to support me- support raising and the ministry development process have all been a much more beautiful experience and it was not nearly as stressful as what I expected. It was amazing to get to reconnect with past Christian influences and connect with some in a new way in allowing them to be a part of this opportunity. I can't wait to continue these relationships, either as my trip and ministry continues. :)

Also, on an even more fun note, my parents generously bought me a bicycle so I can get around in Charleston! The style name of the bike is Sanctuary, which I think fits beautifully. It is a (little) girl's bike haha, but I love the colors and I am very much hoping to keep it so I can use it at school this fall.

my new sweet ride.

Finally, I wanted to tell you all about what I expect (and hope) of this summer. God has been revealing to me and exploring with me over the last several days some of my "heart" issues/my monsters- that is, areas of my life that God is still working on reflecting Him. There are certain areas that are confusing and jumbled and messy- some are gray areas in which I am not sure which direction to take to most honor Him and others; others are issues that I have had for a while and have not forgiven myself for; and others are areas in which there is room to heal and forgive. I cannot wait to offer up these things and make room in my heart this summer so He to do His work on me. I am already trying to get a head-start with a lot of reflection time the next few days about this summer, and I am praying for great Godly guidance this summer.

I wanted to leave you all with this quote as food for thought (or the soul). I finished a book called "Night of the Living Dead Christian" (great book, I highly recommend it for guys and anyone who loves to read) earlier today and this was by far one of my favorite lines:

"But being born isn't the end of something. It's not some static moment that defines your relationship forever. It's a beginning- a significant one, yes, a coming to life. But if you remain a baby forever, something is terribly wrong. Here I was, years later, standing in front of my box of souvenirs, making room for another one. My vampire teeth were in there, and my were-squirrel tail, and my mummy hand. I folded up the mad scientist's lab coat and put it in the box too. I'm still growing, still learning, and although something happened years ago and I crossed over some invisible line from death into life, I'm also still in the midst of being resurrected. I hope there's enough life pouring into me that it's coming up over the edges and onto the people around me. I hope that's true. Being born again can be painful. Growing up again- well, that's painful too."

Have a blessed day,

MacKenzie

You guys, things are looking bright (but busy). Support is trickling in now, whooo! I am growing in my confidence concerning talking with potential ministry partners (praise the Lord), and I am simply feeling more at peace as my departure day gets closer (May 25th!).

ready or not, here we come.

I didn't mention this before, but this past Saturday was the last time I will see Travis (my boo thang) until after Charleston. That is over 75 long days apart, especially for us two kids that were able to see each other a lot while at school. It will be difficult, but absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? I know that growing in my relationship with God over my project will only serve to help any and all of my earthly relationships, too. I can't wait to see how God transforms my heart over this trip!

If I can send out a prayer request, please pray (besides for my project too, haha) for my health. Weeks of stress have worn down my emotional, mental, and physical state to where my body has not been functioning properly as-of-late. I do not think it is long-term, but nevertheless it hard to handle with so many things going on.

Also, I wanted to start discussing some of the things I think are unique (and cool) about my summer project in my blog, so I will be updating you a little bit more about it as I go. For example, in taking a step towards purity and holiness, the project has decided on a women's one-piece or tankini bathing suit expectation as to protect the men on the trip from temptation and the women on the trip from insecurity. I think that ROCKS (and it means I get to get new swimming suits)! I believe removing those obstacles will allow all of us (me too) to grow in our faiths so much more over this trip.

I love you all!

-MacKenzie

LESS THAN TWO WEEKS!

when things don't go as planned...

I have an awesome story to tell you all!

As of when I woke up today, I had about 25% raised for Charleston (which included my personal savings). I know that is a pretty low amount to have 2 weeks before leaving- I was trying not to freak out by keeping to the truth that God will provide. I mean, I still have the endless possibilities my potential ministry partners hold! But I had not gotten any kind of responses at all (I was even kind of afraid that no one had received my letters, haha) and was just feeling as though I had hit a dead end.

God had other plans for my journey, however. I never would have thought that God would choose to work through my non-practicing parents (the people in my life who are possibly the most skeptical about this support raising process and God's hand in it). He literally found the most surprising situation and worked good from it.

I am so blessed to say that I have a little over 50% raised for Charleston now. I am simply amazed and humbled about God's sovereignty over my support raising process and his power to bring in support from unexpected places. I cannot wait to see what else he has planned for me over the next two weeks.

So, Happy Mother's Day to my awesome, loving Mom. I know you don't know God personally yet, but seeing Him work through you for His glory has me in tears tonight. You have given so much towards this trip and continue to give me hope and reason. I love you beyond words.

-MacKenzie

BIG NEWS

Hello everybody! I have been up early (well, early for me, haha) starting off the morning with some much-needed Jesus time! Reaffirming the truths God says about your life is probably the best way to start the day. I'm going to share with you some I went over this morning:

You are loved
God is always there with you
He is sovereign
Remember to keep faith (not by sight)
You are a child of the God of peace
He hears and answers your prayers

I felt anxious waking up this morning, but now I feel ready for my day and wherever it may take me!

Now that I am out of school, finished with crazy finals, and have a large part of my support letter writing process finished, I am able to devote almost all of my time the next couple weeks (T-MINUS 17 DAYS!) to expanding my ministry team and personally preparing for my 9-week adventure in Charleston. I will be making my journey as shown through this blog public today, so that certainly is exciting! I will be posting more often and I also will be updating all of my readers on my personal, spiritual, and support-wise progress.

Also, you should know that I changed my blog name! For now, it will be pressing on for Charleston. I feel like it better expresses where my desire comes from to go to Charleston (to grow in my relationship with God), and also my mission while I am there (to be a servant to God and to help expand His Kingdom).

I am so excited and hopeful and (not quite yet, but getting) ready for this summer!

-MacKenzie

learning patience

months of brainstorming/drafting. 1 week of writing/sketching day and (a lot of the) night. 1 days of crying because I could not find a printer (God led me to the cheapest one in town!). Lots of praying, especially as I took a stack of over 20 detailed letters into the post office yesterday.

I put a lot of time and prayer into each one and into being beyond asking- I wanted to be genuine and grateful for all of the work and love each of these families or businesses has done in my life already. I want people to see supporting me is 1. supporting a dream and 2. helping God's work in expanding his Kingdom.

Any donations are to a lot more than a purchase- I realize that now, as I've wagered my savings in hopes of earning all of my support. But I'm still coming up short. I still have a large chunk left to raise in some way, but I am taking a step of faith and trusting God to provide through providers and to allow me to grow and expand these relationships in order to get this faithful girl to Charleston. I realize my window is short (less than 3 weeks now until I leave) & I am so anxious, but God is good and sovereign!!

For His Glory,

MacKenzie

P.S. If anyone does not receive a letter that does want one or would be interested in helping support me, I would love to send you a personal letter + bookmark + information about my trip. :)

philippians 4:13

I apologize that it's been a while since my last post.

Things have been really hard- I really believe Satan does not want me to send these support letters and to go on this trip. He's thrown a lot of things my way the last several weeks. I'm still persevering, though, with prayerful help- through finals, through bad grades, through a small car accident, through illnesses in my family, through issues printing my letters, and through things just plain not working out.

A lesson for both us: God doesn't ask us to do everything- we really can't do it on our own. He just asks us to follow him and to keep trying, to keep asking for His help. It's all to His glory, anyways. :)

These letters will be out by Monday (I am really really praying they do- it's a little over three weeks until I leave)!